Healing Waters
You are about to embark on a spellbinding journey—one that you will not soon forget. We will use Guided Imagery to take you to a mystical place of healing. You will be able to confront issues that have been buried deep in your subconscious, too painful to face in the light of day. Once you have identified these problems, you will be able to confront them without fear. This is a place where there is no heartache, no judgement, no shame. You will have the power to solve the issues that have caused you so much pain in the past and the “Healing Waters” will sooth the wounds and make you whole once more. Know that Guided Imagery is a powerful tool that allows you to use your imagination in a precise way, benefitting your mind and your body. It is simply a relaxation technique targeted at easing stress and encouraging a sense of peace and tranquility at a very difficult time in your life. This process can be utilized throughout your lifetime and even change its direction. There is a powerful connection between mind and body and you can learn to direct the flow of this energy. Guided Imagery can relieve tension and alleviate pain—both psychological and physical. You will use all of your senses—sight, smell, sound, taste,— and at times a combination of them. When you were a child, it was natural to daydream and fantasize. Unfortunately the innocence of youth is fleeting and the further you move from that magical place, the more difficult it is to use your power of imagination. Trust the child within. Let your mind and spirit take you to the peace and calm of “The Healing Waters.” Here you will find the key to your past, present, and future. You will benefit most from this empowering technique if you are in a state of relaxation before you venture to your place of serenity. Find a quiet place, inside or outside; turn off your cell phone, settle into your favorite chair, and begin the process of deep relaxation. RELAXATION TECHNIQUES Learning proper breathing technique is essential to deep relaxation. Babies are all born with the ability to breathe correctly. Somewhere in the steps of growing up we lost this natural process. We are no longer breathing from our diaphragm when we inhale and exhale in this manner. The diaphragm is just below the rib cage and above the belly. Think of the diaphragm as a balloon. It is actually very simple. When you inhale you are filling the balloon with air—when you exhale the balloon deflates. Your diaphragm is the balloon. Trained athletes, singers, or dancers, learned this technique early in life. You can learn it too, and breathing correctly will become very natural to you after a time. Take a very deep sigh and slowly let it out. Just one sigh and the diaphragm will automatically shift into a proper breathing rhythm. Place a hand on your diaphragm and you can feel it push out as you breathe in and relax as you exhale. In time this will become second nature and you will forget that you did it any other way. Professional performers or even mothers giving a speech for the P.T.A. can benefit by focusing on their breathing. The following is a simple relaxation regimen that you can do anywhere and at anytime that you are in need of stress reduction: Shut out any noises that may come into your space, or make the distractions a part of your relaxation process. For instance, if you hear a barking dog in the distance bring it into your exercise instead of trying to shut it out. Soon you will be unaware of the sound and only be aware of the silence. Breathe in, using your diaphragm, and exhale. Each time that you do this, make every in breath a little longer— feeling more relaxed each time. Visualize the tension in your body as a liquid or a vapor. (For this exercise see it as a gray vapor.) As you inhale you breathe in pure air. As you exhale the gray vapor, the tension leaves your body and exits through your pores, circling the room and disappearing into the atmosphere. Envision a warm light encompassing your body. It forms a cocoon that surrounds you, giving you a feeling of tranquility and security. This must be the way that you felt in the womb — safe, loved, and protected. You are aware of the outside world but it cannot touch you. You can feel none of the discord that normal living brings to you. Imagine possessing a warm light that can be moved at will to any part of your body. It will soothe deep tensions that you are harboring, as the warmth evokes complete removal of stress. Begin with your head and feel the heat circulate through your temples, over your forehead, and across your face. Take the time to focus on your jaw. Feel the stress that you are holding there. Tension in the jaw joint and the related muscles are much more complicated than a knee or elbow joint. Even when you think you are relaxed, you may be grinding your teeth and putting stress on your jaw. You are holding onto your tension, not willing to give it up. You do not have to live with this. Breathe in and feel the tightness release itself and your facial muscles relax. The vapor is leaving your face and neck, going out your pores and into the atmosphere. Take a moment to turn your head from side to side. Now you are ready to move the warm light across your shoulders and down your arms. If you can feel the tension in your shoulders, visualize tight knots. They are tied by a master. This expert is called stress and nobody can tie knots like stress. Use the warmth of your magic light and untie the knots one by one until your shoulders are flexible and relaxed. Rotate them and be aware of how liberating is to be free of the tenseness you have been harboring.. Let your shoulders drop to a comfortable position .... all the while focusing on your breathing .... going deeper and deeper into a state of relaxation. Travel down your left arm, concentrating on your hand. Go over your fingers with your warm light and feel the tingling sensation. At the same time your hand will be very heavy, so heavy, that you will not be able to lift it from the arm of the chair. Move the light over your leg, taking the time to relax each muscle. Do not rush the process. Now focus on your foot. Ancient cultures believed that the feet held many secrets to our physical and mental health. It is very important that you concentrate on each part of the foot, flexing your toes and rotating your foot. Now change hands and work your way up the right side of your body. Breathe more naturally and know that your body deserves this time. You will derive more from your experience with Guided Imagery and accept the intense experience of problem solving if your body is relaxed and receptive. As you go deeper and deeper into that well of peace and tranquility, circle your stomach with the warmth and release the tightness that can actually cause you digestive distress. Release the vapors and feel them exit your body through your pores. If you have any tightness or discomfort that still remains, focus on these areas. Your breathing is going deeper and deeper. Your body feels both relaxed and heavy at the same time. Hold your book with one hand and try to lift the other hand. This is not a parlor trick. It will not move, as the vapors have left your body and you are at complete peace. Sit quietly for a few moments and imagine that you are descending a winding staircase that appears to go on forever. With each step you will go deeper and deeper into yourself – free from stress and tension. When this picture is set in your mind, you will descend further down the staircase. Go as far as you wish, as you will never reach the last step. Hold the railing and in you mind go into an intense state of relaxation. Take all the time that you need to feel at one with your surroundings. Very soon now you will feel peaceful and rested. Settle back into your chair and become part of it—one with the other—and anticipate what lies before you. Now that you are in a deep state of complete relaxation, you are able to let your body float in untethered suspension At long last you are ready to embark upon your remarkable journey. Through Guided Imagery you will go to a place of complete harmony. Here you will be free from stress, worry, anxiety, and all of the toxic emotions that you may have experienced in your daily life. Always remember that when you have taken the final steps of your odyssey it is not the end. You can come back to this idyllic place, the place of The Healing Waters, when your real world so overwhelms you that you can feel the darkness closing in. Know that you will always have these waters to wash away any negative emotions that keep you stuck in that dark place, unable to see the beauty of the world around you, unable to see the perfect person inside you—the person that God made in His Image—the image that you lost in the process of living out a Life Script that was never meant for you. This process is the beginning of your healing. You may want to tape record this exercise to use when you are in need of relaxation and renewal of body and mind. THE LEGEND There is a legend told by the natives of a mystical island, far, far away. It is the saga of “The Healing Waters.”You must travel a very long, dirt road known for its twists and turns. The breathtaking waterfalls cascade down the mountainside. You pass a remote village that you have never seen in any book or movie. Friendly natives welcome you with knowing smiles. They have been waiting patiently for centuries for you to find this place. Finally you are here. It is all very familiar and comfortable and you have a sense that you have been here before. This is your place, your hidden paradise on earth. You will now be a part of the “Legend of The Healing Waters” and you find peace in the knowledge that it will always be so. There is a sandy path in front of you. Follow it deep into the rain forest. You come to an old weatherbeaten wooden bridge. It seems to be suspended in time, held together by ropes that defy all probability, as they have been obviously rotted away by centuries of wind and rain. In spite of its visual aspect, you see it as a source of illumination. It is the way to your future. You approach the bridge with excitement that immediately turns into trepidation. You are terrified of heights and the drop from either side would be frightening for anyone. The slightest breeze sets it in motion. You hold on to the worn and rotted ropes with a death grip as you sway in the wind, but then you see the majesty before you. Now you are able to walk quickly and confidently across to the other side. Your fear of heights seems to be a lifetime into the past as you travel through the density of the forest, lightheaded with a sense of adventure. The beauty is overwhelming, as you have never seen such a picture—not in any museum—not in an epic movie—not even in your wildest imagination. You can hear the sound of the waterfalls and feel the mist on your face, even though you cannot see them. The sound is deafening and suddenly the path takes a precipitous turn and there they are! The sight is awe-inspiring and dazzling, as the falls are right before you .... waiting .... waiting as they have been for centuries. Take a deep cleansing breath. You are finally here. It is where you have always wanted to be. You are overwhelmed by the sight of the cascading water, as it is more glorious than you could have ever imagined. The roar of the falls is like a symphony orchestra that grows louder and more exciting by the moment, never quite reaching a crescendo. There are three narrow waterfalls that merge into one amazing rush of water. The falls cascade down 200 feet into a breathtaking lagoon. The waters here are in constant motion. Their sounds can be heard minutes before you see the falls— before you smell the scent of ginger and plumeria twisting along the rocks—before you sense a taste of pineapple on your tongue — before you feel the soft breezes caress your skin—and before you hear the singing of the birds as they glide over the water. They barely touch the surface before disappearing into the sun. The Koi fish swim freely around in the waters like technicolor marvels. They are beautiful, each in a unique way—red, orange, yellow, black, stripped, spotted— different sizes and shapes and all absolutely exquisite. The sights and sounds can be anything that you imagine them to be, for this is your place. This is your lagoon. You shade your eyes to get a clearer view of the falls. The colors are so brilliant and beautiful that only The Creator could have painted them. Now He has given His brush to you. The cascading waters are close enough that you can feel the mist caressing your body. You are stepping out of your world of black and white and entering a place that is as enchanting as the “Land of Oz.” There is no darkness here and the warm waters promise to wash away the misery that you no longer want or need in your life. They will leave you pure and clean and peaceful. The waters of the lagoon travel to the place where the river meets the sea. The ocean then takes the negative emotions from the river to a deep, dark place in the depths of the ocean floor. It is a place where all the pain and misery in your life belongs. You are prepared to take this journey, for now your spirit is willing. It is the time to reclaim your life—the life you lived before you let the darkness in. Let your mind go there. See, hear, taste, and feel the waters. You must have surmised by now that this is your legend and yours alone. You don’t have to travel any twisting road to get to “The Healing Waters” as they are not on any map, nor are they whispered about by the natives that live here. These are your waters. This is your creation. It is your own Garden of Eden. No one else has ever been here, nor will they ever be able to find this magical spot. It is deep in your subconscious, part of your body and soul. Once you have seen this place of wonder, and have become one with the waters, they will be with you forever. You are ready to step into the lagoon. Take a moment and become part of this world. Breathe deeply and drink in the beauty around you. The surroundings are beyond any descriptive verse that you have ever read. The lush greenery and colorful flowers would inspire a language all their own. You sense that you are not alone. Someone is coming down the path to join you. Do you recognize this person? Is it anyone you know? Try to bring the face into focus. Your Guide on this journey has come to meet you, to share in this life-altering experience. She can be anyone that you desire her to be. She can have long, golden hair or short, dark curls. She can be tall, short, thin, or plump. She can be a very young child or a very old soul. Perhaps she resembles someone that you have known forever, or have a face that you have never seen before. See her as the most exquisite entity you have ever envisioned, for beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. She looks at you with her soulful eyes and you know that this is the Guardian Angel that your Maker has selected for you. She will travel with you and forever be by your side. She is wearing something around her neck that is too radiant for human eyes to even imagine. Watch it dancing in the light as it glistens and sparkles. It is as bright as the rays of the sun. It hangs around her neck attached on either side by pearls .... the gems of the ocean .... translucent as her skin and pure as the sea. You cannot conceive of what the object is, but accept the reality that at this moment it does not matter. You will know everything when the time is right. Let your Angel lead you. She is beckoning. Look at the rocks that dot the lagoon. They are shiny, black, and smooth as marble. Listen to your Angel’s lilting voice as she whispers the fable of the rocks to you: “ One beautiful day, a pod of playful dolphins wandered far from their ocean home. They came across the warm waters of the lagoon and frolicked away the day, losing all sense of time. When the stars replaced the island sun, the dolphins became confused and did not know how to return home. The Goddess of Light was angry at them for being so careless and turned them all into rocks of different shapes and sizes. These are the black, marble rocks that you see before you. When the sun sets, the Goddess allows them to turn into happy dolphins again. They play in the lagoon as free as the trade winds. At the break of day, they once again return to their petrified form, awaiting your visit. If you are comfortable with this visual image, make it your own. This is your story. Let your mind wander in a relaxed and aimless manner. Anything that you imagine here is possible.” Envision each rock as a painful emotion that has lived in your subconscious. Feel the anguish deep inside, for it has been part of you for as long as you can remember. You must identify and then confront your problems before you are able to solve them and begin to heal. This is the place where the healing begins. As the waters wash over the rocks and touch your body, you will be forever changed. You have summoned “The Healing Waters”, so there is nothing to fear. Welcome them with your heart and soul, without question. Begin your quest for that which has eluded you. Peace of mind, body, and spirit will finally be yours. THE ROCK OF FEAR You see a very large rock on your right side. You must step into the water to reach it. Take the hand that is extended to you. Emotionally this is a very big step, but your Angel is by your side. It is not easy to go to this place, as it is The Rock of Fear. You wade out to this rock and even though you haven’t been here before, the feelings that it represents are deep in your subconscious. The thought of finally confronting these emotions, and giving them an identity is terrifying. Breathe deeply and know that you have your Angel by your side. This time you will not face your demons alone. Everyone has known fear. This phantom is one of the most terrifying experiences that a human being can imagine and there are moments when we feel that it is everywhere. You can feel it, taste it, smell it, but you must not let it in. If you allow your mind go there .... if you give in to all the “what if’s” that can plague you .... if you go to that dark place deep inside .... if you open the door just a crack .... the fear will flood in. It will take over your rational mind and create a frightened and fragile body. You will be unable to cope with the most elementary things that come your way. You will experience how it feels to be a victim. Know that you are safe here. The fear cannot enter your space unless you invite it in. Try to identify what the fear is for you. You cannot solve what you won’t identify, but The Healing Waters will know. Take the time to watch the warm waves encircle your feet. Eventually you will feel the fear being taken away, leaving you strong and confident and at peace. Tell the waters what you’re feeling. Words are not necessary to express yourself, as they know your thoughts. Strength was once a given. But one dark day you gave up your power and became acquainted with the demon called fear. When you were young, there was always someone upon whom you could depend to chase away the monsters. You felt that you were indestructible because you had not yet experienced illness, loss, death, or known the feelings of impending doom. You had not yet given a name to catastrophic expectation. Now you know the name well, and the name is fear. As a child, you might have been afraid to ride a roller coaster— watch a scary movie— take a test—or go on a first date. These were passing experiences that you glided through with relative ease, sometimes on your own, and sometimes with the help of your parents or good friends. You were young, strong, and naive. Sit down on your rock and let the sun warm your body. Remember how simple life was before you gave your power away and you were left with that overwhelming feeling of impotence. This is the moment that you let the fear in. The roller coaster became a daily event with twists and turns that were more than your body could handle; the scary movie became your Life Script; taking a test was a negative measure of everything that you said or did; and going on a first date was already an expectation of heartache and pain. The enemy that you are fighting does not come with a jolt like an earthquake. It does not hit you with the sudden rush of a tidal wave or hurricane. You can’t hear a deafening roar like an approaching tornado. Fear is much more subtle. It is silent, slow, and steady. See it as a lava flow—dark, black, and ugly. Try to visualize it winding down your sandy path, slowly but surely making its way into your space. You can watch it approach, determined and deliberate. In time it will envelop everything in its path and if you stand still and wait for it, you too will be its victim. You will never be who you once were. Fear takes your very core and leaves you powerless. You will never forget where you were when the fear overcame you, but who you were will be but a distant memory. Know that the enemy that you have lived with for so long did not come to you alone. There were two dark companions, always close at hand. They came in the middle of the night and sometimes in the wee, small hours of the morning. They created negative tapes that played in your head and dark thoughts that crippled you and left you feeling alone and helpless. Their names are depression and anxiety. These are the “evil twins” that accompany fear. They go hand in hand and result from excessive stress. There is no discrimination as to age, sex, beauty, or intelligence. Inhale and smell the sweet scent of ginger. The aromas of the lagoon bring you a sense of serenity and deep repose. You can now begin to visualize your life. The pictures that you see are as graphic as scenes from a technicolor movie. Examine your daily routine— your work, your recreation, the time you spend with the people you love. You can see these pictures vividly, but they are not always pleasant. Waking up in the morning should bring you feelings of joy. If it does not and it is difficult to just get through the day, then depression has become your constant companion. There is an old saying that “People are about as happy as they choose to be.” There is truth to this, but there are times where choosing happiness is beyond our control. When you cannot pull yourself out of the darkness by exercise, meditation, or recreation, it is time to see a physician. Your body may be suffering from a lack of serotonin and in need of an antidepressant. Listen to your physician. Remove the stigma that many of us associate with medication for emotional problems. You would not deny your body insulin if you were a diabetic. A low dose medication could change your life. Visualize the picture that is now in front of you. The beautiful Hawaiian sun has been obliterated by the dark cloud of depression, turning your world from vivid color to black and white. If you do not lift your spirit out of the depression, the dark cloud will not let the color come back into your life. Depression is a companion of fear. Perhaps therapy and even medication may be needed to free you of this unwanted relationship. Depression does not belong in your life. It can leave you with feelings of despondency and erase any memory of feeling joyful and at peace with yourself. Anxiety is every bit as toxic as depression, but the visual image you see is not black or grey. It is a color so vivid that it is blinding. You can feel your heart racing, trying to catch up with the terrible thoughts that are running through your head. You feel as though your foot is stuck on the accelerator of your car and you want to be anywhere but where you are. You would like to crawl out of your skin, leave your body on this rock, and run deep into the jungle. Your mind could go there, but your body is immobilized. Your legs cannot move. Be aware that your hands are no longer smooth and calm, but sweaty and shaky. If you feel dizzy, take the hand that has been extended to you. This hand is steady and calm and belongs to your Angel. It will cease your trembling hands and still your pounding heart. You need help to ward off the feelings of panic before they became a part of your life. Your Angel is aware that you cannot do it alone. Speak to the waters and say, “I am not going to die, as I know that this panic is not a reality. I have let the feelings come into my space and they have taken over my mind and now my body.” Take a deep breath and repeat this mantra: “This too shall pass.”.... another breath, .... “This too shall pass,”.... another deep breath, .... “I’m not going to die,” .... and once more, ....“This too shall pass.” Continue the mantra until you feel calm again. Like depression, this may be a mind/body connection problem. Short term therapy or a mild tranquilizer might be indicated to get you through a difficult situation. Do not feel that you are a hopeless case because you need help. The mind feeds the body and vice versa until you don’t know which came first. Try to change the way you deal with stress. Take time for yourself and “don’t sweat the small stuff.” Re-write your daily script and remove all of the toxic elements that upset the balance of your life. Do this until you feel peaceful again. If changes don’t work for you, then it’s time to see your doctor. Be certain that he listens to you. Admitting that you are depressed and anxious does not make you weak. It makes you human. Everything and everyone in this universe have stress in their lives. It’s when we are in distress that the mind and body begin to suffer. This distinction is important because the term stress actually implies anything that causes your body to respond in any way. As your body needs a wide variety of stressors to respond and function properly, stress is actually crucial to your existence. If your eye did not get light you would become blind; your muscles would atrophy if you did not use them; and if your immune system had never been attacked it would be worthless. Even when your physical and emotional stressors become oppressors, your body’s response changes from a natural healthy interaction to a detrimental reaction. Know that you have a limited bank of adaptability. Once you use up your reserves of stress management and coping skills, your stress becomes distress. Even the birds flying above you, seemingly without a care of the world, experience stress. The wind beneath their wings acts as a stressor and enables them to fly. Watch them soar and dip and soar again. They are free from anxiety because they are not distressed. They know when they have traveled too far, gone too long without rest, and tested their limits. You need to observe the birds and know when you have traveled too far, gone too long without rest, and tested your limits. You need to listen to your own body. When the stress in your life has become overwhelming, be as wise as the birds above you. Get out of you own way and know when it is time to“Let go and let God.” You are now ready to give up your debilitating stress to ‘The Healing Waters.” Your fear, depression, and anxiety will follow. Drink in the beauty once more before you continue on your journey of self-discovery. Delight in the smell, the warmth, and the beauty of the lagoon. All of this belongs to you and the tranquility here provides you with the strength to go on. Take a deep, cleansing breath and as you breathe out let your mind lead you. You must face the darkness before you find the light. It is then and only then that you can feel the warmth and the healing that you seek. Look at the splendor around you and it will enable you to sink into peaceful relaxation. Feel the warm waters wash over you and watch the sun in the heavens as it plays hide and seek behind the clouds. While you are waiting for it to return you notice a sliver of silver in the sky. It is a faint silhouette of the moon. You look in wonder, as it is still daylight. It appears that the moon is patiently awaiting the darkness that will encompass the sky. Then and only then can it be seen in all of its splendor. Everyday it waits, unprotesting, so that it can watch over the dolphins frolicking in the lagoon when the sun disappears. All too soon the night will fade into dawn and the dolphins will take their place again as rocks of emotional healing. It is then that the brilliant moon will become just a sliver again, hardly visible in the brilliant, blue sky. The sun has been waiting patiently to light your world, and so it has been since the beginning of creation. Know now, that there is nothing to fear from the night, as the moon is always watching over you. Learn to distinguish the darkness of night from the darkness that depression brings into your world. God made the night to give you repose, relaxation, and restoration. It is a time of rejuvenation and a precious gift from The Creator. If, at the break of dawn, the darkness remains, then it is a toxic emotion from deep inside — this emotion is depression. Listen to your inner-child and let her sing this little song to you. Her father used to sing it to her every night as they looked at the Man in the Moon. “ Oh Mr. Moon, Moon, bright and silvery moon Won’t you please shine down on me? And when your life’s in danger and you’re afraid to run Know it’s just the shadow of the hidden Sun Oh, Mr. Moon, Moon, bright and silvery moon Won’t you please shine down on me?” You look up at the bright sky and you see that the sun has now appeared from behind the clouds and your surroundings are beautiful and colorful again. All is right with your world. You know that the waters are always here for you and that they will be your support system if you need it. As the sun becomes warmer and higher in the sky you feel that you are ready to leave the enemy of fear behind. Live your life as if you never let this dysfunctional family move in. You don’t need to exist in a state of anxiety and depression. You have the capability of re-writing your own Script without fear. Look into the lagoon and see your reflection again. The person behind this lovely and peaceful face can forever force the demons away by giving them up to The Healing Waters. It is time to erase them forever. If you feel that these enemies are trying to sneak back into your space from time to time, you can come back to the lagoon .... your place of healing. The waters are ready to drive the dark lava back to the volcano from whence it came. You are about to begin your journey into a life without fear. The waters are warm and consoling and you feel more and more relaxed. The fear, depression, and the anxiety are now far away and your body is free from extreme stress. These demons will lie where they belong, deep in the dark depths of the ocean. Breathe easily now and take your time to bask in the comfort of your new- found joy and peace. Your body and soul are free from fear. Spend as much time as you need here, before you leave this place and continue on your journey of self-actualization. If it helps, you can hum a little tune, and know that you will never fear the darkness again. Your Angel is humming softly and even the birds are listening to her: “ Oh, Mr. Moon, Moon, bright and silvery Moon Won’t you please shine down on me.” THE ROCK OF SHAME You are aware of a rock to your left and you can see that it is slightly submerged in the water. It’s as if it were hiding from the world, but you know it is there. You are well aware of how it feels to hide. You have felt the same toxic emotions that this place knows. With a sense of fearfulness you approach the Rock of Shame. You wade out a few feet and then start to paddle as the water becomes deeper. The tension begins to leave your body as your Angel takes your hand. She splashes with you to the rock. Feel that you will be welcome here. As you sense the smell of ginger and plumeria, you are aware that there is a flower lei around your neck. You do not remember it being there until now. Perhaps this rock is trying to make you feel comfortable, as you have known the humiliation of this place in the past. The feelings of shame and the pain that it brings are not strangers to you. Perhaps the flowers are a gesture that all will be forgiven in this magical place and you will feel as beautiful and fresh as the plumerias around your neck. You climb upon the rock and feel the warm breezes caress your bare shoulders. They are not judging you, but welcoming you to a place which will rid you of the shame that has become a burden— a very heavy load. Let the warm waters mingle with the breezes and relax your body. The weight of shame has been with you since you were a small child and that is a lifetime too long. Breathe deeply, and for a moment shut out all of the heavenly sounds of the lagoon that have been so soothing. For the last time, for one more terrible moment, listen to your poisonous Life Script. Identify the voices in your head. They are the authors of the script that told you that you were a bad girl .... a naughty, naughty child who deserved to be punished. Whose voice do you hear? Is there more than one voice? It doesn’t really matter who it was, only that you believed it. Your inner-child absorbed all of the negative messages that were sent your way. There was no doubt in your mind that you were a worthless person. You were beyond bad .... you were invisible .... and for you this became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Life went on around you, but what you said or did seemed to make little difference. No one paid attention to you unless you did something contrary to your familial belief system. At least then they seemed to know that you were alive. You learned quickly that negative attention was more satisfying than no attention at all. How did this make you feel? Don’t be afraid to feel these feelings. The waters understand and they will soothe you with their peaceful sounds and cleansing powers. Can you recall the defining moment when you first felt shame? Confront that moment in your mind and whisper your secret to the waters. They will not be surprised. Listen to the voice in your head one more time. Close out the beautiful sounds of your lagoon and you will be able to hear the voice of your childhood clearly. It was loud and angry and even when you tried to tune it out, it was always there. It was drowning out all of the positive voices that were trying to get through—relegating them to just a whisper. Finally, all that you heard was, “You are a flawed person.” Think of all of the “shame on you” moments that have filled your life. “You did it!”.... “You asked for it!”.... “It was your fault!” Look at the misery of it all. It was emblazoned on your forehead like a scarlet letter. Feel it all one more time. Confront the hurt, the humiliation, and the betrayal. Know that you will never again let another human being take your power from you, forcing you to be immersed in that hell of shame. You have taken the first step by confronting the origin of the pain. Now it is time to erase those negative messages and write affirmative things in their place—positive things that you now know to be true. This is the only way you will extinguish the “cycle of shame” and solve a very old problem. Make a list in your mind of some of the “truths” that you lived with as a child and then translate them as an adult. You no longer have a need to hold onto irrational beliefs that came from unthinking adults. It’s time to rid yourself of that nagging voice that has become a part of you, feeding your negative self-image. The waters know what you have been holding onto all of these years. It will help rid you of those middle-of-the-night tapes that play repeatedly in your head. You must give them a voice. Say all of the negative things aloud. Verbalize the hateful feelings that you have been holding onto for many, too many years. Let the sound of your words echo down the Valley of Forgiveness. These are the words of your inner-child who was not allowed to speak for herself. In the clear blue sky of the lagoon you can obtain a good sense of who you are, through your own eyes. Your vulnerable child was hungry for attention and validation, so she sometimes looked for this love and approval in all the wrong places. She was an innocent, undeserving of having had her childhood taken away. She did what she did and was what she was, but she need not feel shame any longer. All the negative episodes are in the past and should now be relegated to faded memories. As an adult you don’t have to follow the rules set down by authority figures from your past. Send these positive messages to all the insignificant others who have told you how to live and what to think. Now you can add self-affirming messages of your own. The following are some examples. When you have finished this exercise, and you are immersed in your daily routine, write some affirmations on slips of paper and post them where you can see them. When you find yourself doubting your resolve, reading them again will reinforce what you are feeling at this moment. * I don’t always feel the way that you think I do. I choose to deal with my feelings now—not yours. * I have my own belief system. It may be very different from your moral compass, but it is now what I believe to be true. * I am a worthy person and I have value. I don’t need outside validation to believe it. * I no longer need to be perfect. If I make a mistake, the sky will not come crashing down. * I deserve love and respect because I am a good person. You can’t take that away from me. * If I say “no,” I don’t have to explain myself to the world. * I love myself, as God loves me, and I no longer have a need to listen to negative voices in my head that say otherwise. * I am ready to accept myself unconditionally. After you have added more messages of your own, your Angel whispers these words to you: “Your inner-child needs one last thing to let go of the shame she has lived with for so long. She needs forgiveness—and she needs that forgiveness from you. God has long ago forgiven her. It is time for you to absolve that child of sin and accept the adult that she has become. You can now begin to counteract your negative feed by sending positive messages from your rational brain to your fragile self-image. With your own positive voice, you can drown out the critical messages that you have been hearing since childhood.” Suddenly the smooth silk of the sarong that clings to your hips, is unceremoniously picked up by the wind. The soft fabric swirls freely around your body. Examine the picture reflected in the water. You are not ashamed of your smooth, naked body—you do not feel shame because your body is perfect, the way that God intended it to be. Ingenuousness has been restored to you, and your mind can let go of the disgrace has been a part of you. It has paralyzed your coping mechanism and given you the pen that wrote your Life Script. This is the script that has been playing in your head all of your life. It has been feeding you a toxic dialogue that was never meant for you. It is time to take the pen in hand and write a new life script—one in which you take your power back and live your life without the negative judgement of others. The waters are now ready to take the shame away and give it up to the ocean. The time has finally come for you to give the person that has been enshrouded in veils of shadows. That sweet child beneath the clouds of invisability need not hang her head in disgrace ever again. The shame is gone. It is buried deep in the depths of the dark ocean floor where it belongs. THE ROCK OF GRIEF You are looking toward the middle of the lagoon. You know instinctively that this is The Rock of Grief and you are now swimming toward the inevitability of pain and desperation. Perhaps you have known loss and have grieved in your lifetime—loss of youth, money, friends, jobs, and relationships. This was difficult, but could not compare to the devastation of losing a loved one. This will be a slippery slope, but you know that you cannot avoid it. Your entire body begins to tremble. The waters are warm and salty, for they are mixed with the tears that have fallen from your eyes since you lost your loved one. The lagoon sends a cleansing wave over the rock to wash away the pain. You knew that you would feel the desolation of loss, but you never expected the loneliness and despair that has taken over your life. If you listen to the winds, they are whispering the name of your loved one over and over again. They are trying to tell you that you have not gone through the stages of recovery as yet. You thought that the heartache was overwhelming and one day your grief would pass. Now you know that mourning was not enough. Your days are just as black and your sorrow is just as painful as the day your world stopped. It is as if the earthly presence of your loved one was so bright that the darkest corners of your world were illuminated. God looked away and in an instant you were left in darkness. You will need to use the techniques that you have learned here to bring back the light in your life and still your pounding heart. Let the peaceful sounds come back into your world. The birds are still singing and the echos of the rushing waters will restore your calm. If you listen, you can hear comforting music bouncing off the canyon wall. You are ready to walk your “Trail of Tears.” It will be a challenge that will take more courage and strength than you ever imagined you had. You are alone as your Angel will stay by your side and help you walk this lonely road. She is aware that these steps are unavoidable. It will not be an easy journey, but together you will prevail. You have had a unspeakable loss and you need to feel the pain. You cannot escape that dreadful emotion. There are definite stages of recovery. If you do not go through this process now, the reality of your loss will return with a vengeance. It could be in weeks, or months, or even years. It will attack you when you are most vulnerable and leave you as helpless and in as much pain as the day your loved one left. Grief has no conception of time, or place, or how much you are hurting. It only knows that it now plays a role in your life. It has found a comfortable place in your broken heart. Be patient with yourself as you traverse the healing process. You must take the time that you need, and only God knows when you will move on. All things happen in a Divine plan. Below are the basic stages of recovery that one must go though after the loss of a loved one. Each stage includes a typical emotional response pattern. You will add your own feelings, as no one experiences the same level of loss or degree of pain. Listen to your Angel as she takes you through the Stages of Recovery: Shock and Denial This terrible thing couldn’t be happening to me .... there must be some mistake ....my world was turning with relative harmony and in an instant it came to a halt .... why are other people walking around, going about their daily routine? .... don’t they know what has happened? .... don’t they realize that I have lost the very core of my inner self? .... I want to believe that this is all a bad dream , but deep inside I know the nightmare is real .... my rational mind comprehends what my heart and soul will not acknowledge. Depression and Anger I awaken in the morning and remember that you are not here .... I don’t want to face the day .... I feel an overwhelming guilt that I didn’t see it coming .... I don’t want to see anyone, but I don’t want to be alone .... there is an empty hole in my heart and I feel that it will never heal .... why did this happen to me? .... no one understands and I don’t want to hear, “I know just how you feel.” .... I’m angry at the doctors for not doing enough .... and the disease for finding you .... I’m remorseful that I didn’t get a chance to say good-bye .... and most of all .... I am so very, very, angry at you for leaving me. Understanding and Acceptance The black edges surrounding my life will begin to turn to grey in time .... I am confident that they will fade, but my life will never be the way that it was before my loss .... I know that the empty place deep in my soul will heal in time, but no one else will fill that place .... I know that my friends mean well and that it is difficult to express feelings of consolation .... I am certain that the doctors did all that they could do and they feel helpless against terminal disease and impending death .... I know that even though I was not there, I can still say good-bye in countless ways, even now .... you did not die alone as your Angel was with you .... I forgive you for leaving me .... I know now how much you wanted to stay and that I am grieving for myself, as well as for you .... I accept the reality that I will have to face the world without you .... but I will survive.” Say what you feel aloud and know that each stage of healing will take a different amount of time. There is no magic formula to be whole again after a trauma as devastating as death. Do not fool yourself into thinking that going through this process will be the end of your pain. What has really changed? Your loved one is still gone, but you know that it is time to let go. Grief counselors will tell you that you need closure in order to heal. I do not believe that you will ever close the door on the loss. The door will always remain ajar and nothing will ever fill the void that you feel. You will heal in your own time and in your own way. The greater the loss, the longer it will take to mend a heart that has been broken. But one day you will be able to close the door on the grief. The waters know your pain and the warmth of the sun will dry your tears. Your well meaning friends tell you that it takes time, the books on grief tell you that each person heals in their own way, and the experts say that death is a part of life and you must accept that. Intellectually all of these things make sense, but emotionally you feel that you will never be who you once were. You will never hear their laughter that was so contagious, .... feel their touch, so soft and loving, .... or see that beautiful face again. How can you learn to live knowing these things to be true? How can you ever be who you once were? You don’t even know who that is anymore. Know that the way you are living is not only impacting your life, but all the lives around you. Your loved ones feel your anger and they feel your pain, but they are helpless because they are not a part of your grieving process. It is your anguish and yours alone. This idyllic place will help you find the peace that you have been denied. Take a deep, cleansing breath and watch the wispy clouds rushing above the water. The birds have returned and the fish are swimming around your rock. You sense that your loved one is sitting next to you. You are able to feel their warmth, smell their scent, hear their contagious laughter. Your body feels peaceful for the first time in ages. You can feel the breezes blowing gently around you and hear the winds echoing the sound of their voice, reverberating through the lagoon and down the valley. You feel the gossamer touch of a butterfly on your shoulder. The colors are vibrant and it flutters on your cheek for one wonderful moment. You always called these Butterfly Kisses and the lovingness of this message is not lost on you. The kisses are connecting two worlds and sending you a message that love is eternal and cannot be erased by death. Come to your lagoon when you want to feel those precious kisses again. Center upon the beautiful butterfly. Remember the precious moments you shared and your loved one will always be with you .... giving you Butterfly Kisses. Your lagoon is just a thought away, and you can come here when you need to feel connected to all of those you have loved and lost. Think of them as being somewhere even more beautiful and tranquil than this magical place. Lie back and let warm waters wash over you. Feel the sun warm your body. You have not been able to feel the sunshine or see the light bouncing across the waters for an eternity. Your grief has concealed the beautiful daylight and propelled you into darkness. Now you can begin to feel alive again as your body relaxes and basks in the sunlight. Perhaps the time has finally come to let go of the crippling grief and truly live once again. Those you loved so dearly in life are never far away from you. It is as though they crossed that old wooden bridge and suddenly came to a place of exceptional beauty—a place like your lagoon. Imagine how astonishing it is with its sounds, and its smells, and its tranquility. Take a cleansing breath and lie back on the rock. Try to visualize a Paradise infinitely more astonishing, more pastoral, and more mystical than your lagoon. It might be difficult for the naked eye to see or the mind to imagine, but it does exist. You can call it Heaven, Paradise, The Garden of Eden, Valhalla, or even a Parallel Universe. It can be whatever your mind can conceive of and your soul will accept. This is where the ones that you have loved so dearly on earth will be waiting. Like the waters, they have been weeping and waiting for you to heal. You feel free now, for at last you are able to view death as the crossing of a threshold to a new beginning. Know that you are not forsaking the ones whom you have lost in order to heal. You are letting go of the pain, not the person. You now have the opportunity to celebrate their life, not mourn their death. Isn’t this what they would want you to do? You have finally accepted the reality that this was their destiny. You did not play a role at the end of their Life Script. They had to act it out, word for word, the way that it was written for them. In nature, loss is an essential element of creation, and it is the same in human life. The dolphins, the birds, and the fish all around you know this instinctively. If you are willing to accept death as part of the cycle of life, it will make it easier for you to deal with your loss. My hope is that this place of healing has helped you gain new insights concerning understanding, surviving, and healing after the death of the one you loved. Focus on living well and enjoying every moment that you have on this earth. Anticipate birth, embrace life, and finally accept death—and so the cycle of life begins again. Take your Angel’s hand as she is ready to enable you to give up your grief to the waters. The waves will take this burden out to the sea. Your pain will finally come to rest, one with the darkness and the depth of the sea. Stay in this beautiful place for a time and let the warm waters heal your wounds and flood your heart with your precious memories. Remembering is a gift that will fill you with unbelievable happiness. All of the moments that you shared, both trivial and momentous, will remain with you. This is truly a gift, not a punishment. Learn to treasure the inside jokes, the special occasions, the tenderness that transcended all the severity the future could ever foresee. Now you can envision brilliant paintings of all the special moments that were exclusively your own. These pictures will fill the void that is deep inside your soul. The waters whisper to you and your Angel smiles. She knows that you can see these pictures over and over again. It is her hope that they will come to you in your dreams. Listen to her promise: “ Open your mind and heart to the possibility that your loved ones will come to you in a dream state. When you leave your lagoon of peace and serenity, retrieve that hope as you close your eyes and wait for sleep to come. Anticipate their visit in your dreams, for it is there that you can relive your cherished memories. May this thought bring you the peace of mind that you have so long been denied and may it always bring you many Butterfly Kisses.” THE ROCK OF GUILT AND WORRY Guilt You feel exhausted after your difficult journey into your well of grief. Lie still for a few moments and focus on your breathing. Remember to breathe in the pure and fragrant air and let go of the toxic vapors that you are still holding deep inside. Each time you inhale you will become more and more relaxed. Finally you will exhale and experience the sensation of moving like a jellyfish. Your bones feel pliable and the knots in your back and stomach have been untied. It is almost as if your body is floating and you are above the rocks looking down on this improbable scene. You are overwhelmed by the brilliance of the blue water. The birds are flying low and dipping down for a quick drink. See the vision of a peaceful being is lying in the warm sun. That person is you .... young and beautiful .... soaking up the tropical sun. After a time you slip off the rock and swim slowly around the lagoon, rolling over on your back, and floating on the top of the water. You do not move a muscle and it is as though you could lie on your back forever in suspended animation. You finally move your arms and your body propels rhythmically forward. You suddenly come to a halt when you touch something with your toes. It is a strange rock, as it is in two separate parts, joined by a narrow strip of lava. This conjoined rock represents emotions that go hand in hand. You have reached the Rock of Guilt and Worry. You climb out of the water and onto the part closest to you. This is the Rock of Guilt. Both sides symbolize pointless emotions—guilt and worry. Guilt is an emotion from the past and worry is in the future. Even though they are superfluous, they invade your thoughts and deeds and waste the most precious thing that you have—today. You can do nothing about past behaviors and feeling guilty will only waste the precious moments that you have right now. “What’s done is done. There are no do- overs.” Your mind is playing tricks on you if you think that you can wash away the past by feeling guilty. There are times when parents manipulate their children through guilt and it is carried into adulthood. Some typical examples are: * You were so bad that you made your mother ill. * If I die, it’s all your fault. * What will the neighbors think about your behavior? * If you loved me you would make an effort to be good. Breathe deeply and know that there is no guilt in this beautiful place. Guilt is a useless emotion that is foreign to your lagoon. You contemplate the wasted time you have spent punishing yourself over past mistakes, real or imagined. Thoughts flood over you—all the things you have done, could have done, and didn’t do. You are stuck in the moment, feeling guilt and regret over who you were, who you think you are, and who you will never be. This is an exercise in futility. You are who you are and where you are in spite of your mistakes—and perhaps because of them. Are you merely avoiding something in the present by focusing on the past? You know that you must identify a problem before you can solve it. When you know what you are avoiding in the here and now it is only then that you can identify what you feel guilty about and move on. There will be no need for guilt in your life. Remember that it’s a choice to feel guilty. If you did something wrong in the past—real or imagined—you do not have to pay forever by feeling badly about yourself. That’s the behavior and the mind set of a child.. Let your inner-child off the hook. It’s in the past; it’s over; and it’s still haunting you. Guilt is the emotional reaction we carry around from childhood memories. Make a mental list of all the things that you are still feeling guilty about and eliminate them with your invisible eraser. They’re really gone now, so you can let the feelings go and the waters will them from you. Tell yourself that the past cannot be changed, no matter how guilty you feel about it. Guilt will not give you the magic of forgiveness. It’s time to take off the guilty mask and be your real self—the person who gives herself permission to be angry, hurt, sad, and honest. You will no longer experience self-reproach for having these feelings. If you have hurt someone, be an adult and apologize. There is no statute of limitations on saying you’re sorry. A simple thing like an apology will help you to turn off the tapes that are running in your head in the dark hours of the morning. You can also counteract this negative feed by sending positive messages from your rational brain to your fragile self. We all make mistakes. It’s the penalty we pay for being human, but we don’t have to punish ourselves forever. It has absolutely no positive pay-off. Drown out the negative tapes with your own positive voice. You are on your way to reprogramming this toxic feed and eradicating the guilt forever. Your own positive voice is the strongest weapon that you have against that nagging, critical voice that you have been hearing since childhood. Stay awhile and feel the sun and the warm spray of the water. Your body feels light and sinless, as you have put your past behavior where it belongs—in the past. Notice the abandon of the birds as they fly above you. They don’t look backwards as they soar and dip in the water. Watch them attentively, and you too can give up your wasted emotional energy. Only then will you be able to soar and be free—guilt free! The solution to not feeling guilty is simply to give it up. You are ready to step across to the other side. This rock is Worry, another of the futile emotions. Remember that guilt is the past and worry is the future. Whether you are worrying about tomorrow or feeling guilty about yesterday, the results are the same. Where is today? It is lost to you forever and nothing has changed. None of your worry nor all of your guilt has accomplished anything but to keep you immobilized. These two emotions are useful only to enable you to procrastinate. You can’t move on until you let go of yesterday and give up your anxiety about tomorrow. It is only then that you can truly live for today. WORRY Your body is rid of fear and you can now face the other emotion that keeps you stuck in today. You are agitating about some future event that may never come to pass. That emotion is worry. It leaves you frustrated and drained and gives you nothing in return. There is no payoff to worry. It invades your mind with negative thoughts and toxic results. Accept these thoughts for a few moments and try to remember all the things that you worry about. It will not necessarily change your thoughts, but you will be able to see your enemy. When you give your adversary a face, you will no longer feel like a victim. You have identified the invisible encroacher. Worry, like guilt, plays in your head at night when you can’t sleep. These tapes take over your subconscious and destroy your peace of mind. Worry takes your power when you are the most vulnerable. Intellectually you know that worry is a useless emotion. You can spend the rest of your life worrying, and it won’t change anything. Like guilt, it is a useless emotion with no positive payoff. You are paralyzed in the moment by worrying about things that may happen in the future. Make a mental list, identifying some of the things you worry most about and ask yourself if continuous worry will keep any of the things you dread from happening. “I worry about death and worrying about it will keep me alive.” All the worry in the world won’t delay the moment of your death. Intellectually you know that, but it will keep you from enjoying today. What you have accomplished is crossing one precious day off your life span. “I worry about my children. I wouldn’t be a good parent if I didn’t worry.” We are taught that if we really care about someone, we worry about them. We should not confuse worry with love. The beautiful birds flying above you are free and happy because the mother bird loved them enough to teach them to fly and then let them go. Don’t worry your baby birds with your fear and worry. You have trained them well and now it its time to let them go. “I worry about the world in general. It’s a very scary place out there and I’d be remiss if I didn’t worry about something so important.” Down through the ages man has worried about the time in which he lived. He worried about wars, famine, physical danger, and one hundred different plagues. Not one moment of worry changed history. If the worry became thought, and thoughts prompted action, it might have made a difference. But most of the time we were too busy just worrying. All that we accomplished was that all the living we could have done was put on hold. Think about your own personal “worry list” and then give it up! Let go of all the “what if’s.” They are useless feelings and they accomplish nothing. “What if” you didn’t worry—what then? “What if” you gave up worry? Would you miss this lifelong, pointless behavior? Imagine how liberated you would feel without it. If you have the need, set aside a time in your daily routine each day devoted to worry. Each week you will find the time will become shorter, until there will come a day when you don’t need this time at all. Let it all go and feel the peace and relaxation flood through your body. Learn to live in the here and now, not in yesterday or tomorrow. Spend your time thinking magical thoughts and exciting possibilities for the future. You can exchange the process of worry to meditation or prayer. When you achieve this, you have given up this emotion to a Higher Power. Worry is not what defines you as a person. Your need to worry has been a heavy load. Rotate your shoulders and turn your head from side to side. You can feel the tension in your neck begin to give up its hold on your body. The neck carries a comparatively great weight, and when we think about it, it’s an vital connector from the mind to the body. Take a deep breath and as you let the bad vapors in your body out through your pores—out into the lagoon—you sink deeper and deeper into that wonderful state of warm relaxation. If you listen carefully, not just with your ears but with your heart, you can hear beautiful, soft Polynesian music somewhere past the waterfalls. Enjoy the repose that you are feeling. Take a flower from the lei around your neck and toss it into the waters. This flower represents worry and it does not belong among your lovely flower lei. It is surprisingly easy to give it up. Just do it! Give it up to the waters and let the waters take it to the sea. The waters have whispered to you and you have listened. You are not God and you do not have the power to change the ebb and flow of life. Events, good and bad, will come to pass in their own time.